MISSA at Pearson College

Today I am off to Pearson College for a class.

Julia Lowther is teaching a 5 day class on boxes and hinges and I'm very happy to be taking it. Pearson is such a gorgeous setting, they feed you a nice lunch and as an added bonus my phone does NOT work there! Looking forward to class and learning some new techniques.

Love

Worrying

Big BIG blog post

June 14, 2015

Victoria Ironman (Sprint Distance)

MY very first open water (lake) swim race. What a doozy to start with. Over 1600 athletes overall and over 150 sprint distance athletes! Wow! The sheer numbers was staggering.

I've struggled with water my whole life, I've been terrified of open water and swimming in the pool was a struggle to.

A little over a month ago I had a massive panic attack in a pool swim triathlon. There was no real reason for it other than panic. The picture below taken by a friend (Peter Dunwoody) caught me mid panic. Not my proudest moment, but the photo brought it all up close and personal so to speak. I realized I needed to get this handled, some way, some how.

I started this open water season with a swim with my coach (Lindsey Millar) in the very lake the June 14th race would take place in. Much to my dismay there were weeds! The swim went off ok, I got over the weeds and had a fairly solid swim.

Then I did several lake swims with Tri Stars at Thetis lake. Some went better than others but I did manage to make it around the first island and have some fairly confident swims.

This time last year I quit the lake swims. I had tried and tried to overcome the panic but left each swim in tears, body tense and it took me days to relax and recover from them. Trying to overcome something you've been afraid of your whole life is hard, exhausting and time consuming work. The constant stress got to me and I quit the swims. 

June 14th, I was calm the morning of the race. 

Connie Dunwoody caught this picture of me right before the swim. I felt fairly calm, in reality I was ready. There was no reason I couldn't do this. Other than fear.

The start horn blows and 150 plus swimmers head out into the water.

And I wait.

Coach Lindsey's advice was to let the pack leave, count to 10 then go. I did just that.

See that swimmer standing in the wetsuit in the bottom left? That's me. This picture still makes me giggle and cry all at the same time. I swam through all that!

I headed out, slow and steady. I knew that I needed to remain calm and collected. I promptly ran into a swimmer breast stroking. I re grouped looked up and thought "just slow and steady will get you through". I stuck my head back in the water, paid MUCH more attention to what was going on around me and swam around and past other swimmers. If you had asked me a year ago if I'd like a lake swim I'd have said "HELL NO". But it was ok, even likeable. In the lake you can get away from or around other swimmers. I could pick a path and just keep swimming.

As I rounded the first bouy I could hear loud cheering. One of the Tri Stars coaches (Kelli) was in a support kayak cheering. For me! Head back in water, just keep swimming.

I did just that. One swim, with a few minimal breast strokes to position myself, but one continual swim. 

BEST DAY EVER! 

As I came into shore I cannot put into words how that felt. Proud, excited, joyful so many emotions. I had finally done what I really never truly knew I could do.

First face I recognized as I ran down the chute was my Mom.

Then I saw Lindsey (my coach), then Carolyn (Tristars owner and coach). I heard Tanya (training partner, who took the photo above) cheering me on. I had finally done it!

Over a year of hard work, struggle, tears, more struggle, more tears, success and failure lead to this very day. I would not trade any of it. It was 100% the most amazing day. I still look at the pictures and giggle thinking "I did THAT!"

So many people helped me through this. Tri stars coaches Bob, Connie, Mandy helped those early days in the teach pool. Jan and Del, more tri stars coaches in the lap pool.

My husband who listened and supported when I whined and wailed and moaned. He never wavered and always supported.

My training buddies Tanya and Connie. Without them, I'm not sure I'd have ever stuck this out. The laughs, support and friendship is truly something that made this journey easier.

My coach. Lindsey. Integral. This has changed my life. It's made me stronger, confident and helped me to believe in myself. When I felt like I couldn't do it she'd hear me out and remind me "I'll never ask you to do something I don't think you can do. I did the workouts, stuck to the plan even when I felt like I couldn't. I'll be damned, she was right! Do the work, trust in the training and you can do it! 

Crossing that finish line. What a truly amazing day! One I will never, ever forget.

It's this weekend!

This weekend is the Victoria 1/2 Iron race. I'm doing the sprint distance.

750 Meter swim

20 KM bike

5 KM run

I'm nervous, scared and pretty proud of all the hard work that's lead up to this. It'll be my first open water race and the largest race I've ever been in. Over 1600 athletes and over 150 sprint distance athletes. 

The open water swim has me nervous, but I'm pretty sure I'm ready for this.

Lake swims

The post below this "Caught on camera" I left up for quite a long time. Longer than I normally would. I've read it every other day, trying to devise a plan for future panic attacks.

I have a race in June, my first lake swim race ever. And I'm scared, actually I'm terrified. Of what some may ask, it's just a lake? I'm afraid of what I can see and what I can't see. I'm afraid of weeds and things touching me. I'm afraid of people swimming into or too close to me. I'm afraid of failing, again. Lake swims last year were a mess and I stopped going. In a nutshell everything about swimming a race in the lake scares the ever loving bejezzus out of me.

But, heres the trump card.

I know I can do it.

My pool workouts average 1500 m to 2000 m, the 750 m race distance I can do. Weeds don't bite, weeds I can do. Nothing life threatening lives in that lake, things touching me I can do. I'll stay to the back and swim alone, so people swimming over or to close to me I can do. I'm not going to fail, no matter how long it takes, no matter if I have to do the dog paddle I will finish.

I can do this. My plan is to own being afraid. It's ok to be afraid. But I can do this, there is nothing life threatening. I have a wetsuit, I can float and I CAN just keep swimming.

Caught on camera

Sunday I did the Tri for MS for the second time. it's an event run by my triathlon group, and it is a whole lot of fun! Lots of friends cheering each other on and a very supportive group.

I was calm the night before and calm the morning of. The swim was 500 M something I do for a warm up in my swim workouts now. it should have been simple, easy and fun.

I started my swim out relaxed and calm, did two laps in a normal pace and started to settle in. I got passed once and did one more lap calm and relaxed. About 3 laps in within about 10 seconds I went from calm to a full on panic attack. My heart rate shoots through the roof, I start to hyperventilate and my body is pretty sure I'm going to drown. Even though I know otherwise it spirals up and out of control.

Calm

Relaxed

To

Panic Attack

The picture above a good friend (Peter Dunwoody) caught on camera me, mid panic attack. While this photo brings a bucket load of tears forward it may also be one of my favourites. It catches me in a moment I cannot control. My brain at this time was probably screaming at me "GET OUT! getoutgetoutgetout!" But this time I managed to stay. I flailed, gasped, gulped and finally caved and took a kick board. Feeling defeated and disappointed I finished the 500 M. I did manage to let go of the kick board the last 100 M but for me it was not my shining moment. Seeing that in a picture brings it all up close and personal.

I'd like to think I am a fairly strong person who can handle just about anything. Heck, I rode and broke some rank horses in my younger years, I snow mobile, I drag race and I'd like to think there are few things I won't try.

But swimming, boy it can scare me.

I have no epic words of wisdom. My advise would be to take small steps forward if you are trying to manage panic attacks. Plan for the un expected, they can happen at any time. I think the biggest thing I learnt sunday was to get help if you need it. 

A panic attack in the pool has not happened for about a year. This one came on faster than most. I did finish my swim. It took about 15 KM of the bike course before my heart rate came down and I stopped gasping for air. My bike was solid though. My run was good! I managed a few speed pick ups and felt strong during the whole run. I think the practice bricks my coach had me do really helped my run, my legs felt good right off the bike.

I finished the day happy with my race but un happy with my swim. My next step to tackle them is to learn a good breast stroke, during a panic attack it may allow me to sight and breathe easier. So onward to Plan B, learn the breast stroke.

My day finished with smiles amongst friends in the sunshine.